dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
my shit smells like andre
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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