every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
