I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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