I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
