if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
