before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
operation have a gay friend backfired
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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