I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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