Me too!
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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