How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
