i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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