She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
