i wish starbucks made bloody marys
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
