So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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