He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
