"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
