I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
