We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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