i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
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