Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Randomize
