I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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