Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
Randomize
