you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
