Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
