Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
