we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
