If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
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