It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
