What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
