My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
