Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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