I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
