So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
