can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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