im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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