I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
pray to the hookup gods
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
