I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
