Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
