At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
