I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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