Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Randomize
