I've blown a few things in my day
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
