You're a womanizer and a bitch.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
