i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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