i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
