It's Friday. Sex?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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