Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
