Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
