Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
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