oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
