if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
