i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
