we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
