wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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