The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
